Be Gentle With That Hose

     Bikes don't really like to be washed. The problem is that they do get dirty(Who's a dirty little bike?). So you need to clean them from time to time. Just get out the old hose and go to town. Works on the car, why not the bicycle?
     This is what your bike looks like when you get the hose out.

     There it was leaning against that tree in the backyard, thinking happy bike thoughts, when you come around the corner with your trusty garden hose, acting out a scene from a Filipino prison flick, maybe the Big Bird Cage.
     The problem with the hose is the pressure of the water. That pressure is jetting water and grit right in to all the little nooks and crannies that are supposed to have grease or oil in them. So even tho your steed looks new and shiny. you have laid the Hoo-Doo on it. Bearings will start rusting, pulleys squeal, the derailleur gets stuck in the big ring(That's OK because who uses those sissy little rings? Am I right?)
     You're not convinced, I can tell. So let me get out my exhibit "A".

What the hell is that!?

     This is a stanchion from a 1995 RockShox Judy. The Judy was a huge leap in the fork world. It was light and stiff, used elastomers(which have, now, all returned to the earth) for springs, and had a damper to control the action. The damper had a special feature to let you know when it needed servicing. It would pour oil all over the floor, worked great.
     The guy that owned this washed his bike after every epic weekend ride. He brought it in because the fork, "Felt funny". That was because a combination of grit, mud, and water had been forced past the seals and were trapped at the upper bushing. the constant action of the fork cut right thru the hard anodising and about 1.5 mm of aluminum.  Pretty cool.
     The customer was positive this was a warranty.  He Was Mistaken
     When you clean your bike you want to be gentle, wash it like you would one of those small dogs that looks like it is about to have a seizure. Spray on some Windex and wipe it down with a wet towel. That will get off most road(and off road) grime in just a few minutes, and leave all the slick stuff where it can do its job.
     Your bike will never get really muddy because you would never ride a trail in poor weather eroding the singletrack and screwing it up for everyone else. Right?
     I know, some big kid just pushed you in to the mud and now your bike is really dirty. If you get to the grime while it is still wet you can get it off with the wet towel method. If you let it dry, you can brush it off(sometimes). For the times when it is really stuck on and you just have get the hose, use a head with a diffuser and keep the pressure low

Just wet the bike, use a soft brush to loosen the dirt, and rinse it off. After, wipe the bike down. Run the chain thru an old towel, and re-lube every thing that moves with some wet lube.
     And just so you know, I am a reformed washaholic. Every week with a hose and a bucket of suds, my M800 got a thorough bath. Then, one day, the rear hub seized. Taking it apart I found one of the sealed cartridge bearings had gotten water in it and rusted solid. I saw the light, I realized the errors of my ways and left the flock of obsessive Felix Ungars
     Also, figuring what is good for the bike must be good for the rider, I tried not washing and just a shot of Windex once a week. Turns out that wives don't really go for that.